


Das Herz Lügt Nicht

by TamscendingGender



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caduceus Is Mentioned But Not Actually There, Character Death Fix, Critical Role Spoilers, Gay Love Can Pierce The Veil, M/M, Sort Of, Two Dirty Men Love Each Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 09:40:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18247244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TamscendingGender/pseuds/TamscendingGender
Summary: Caleb froze. What was happening? Another strange shift, and a few chunks of dirt rolled off of the mound. A few more fell, rolling into his knees. The pole shifted, and suddenly, the gray outline of a hand shoved itself out of the dirt. Caleb stared at it. He stopped crying in shock. It couldn’t be. There was….it was...impossible! It had been so long, things like this didn’t happen to people like him...but it was. There was a hand. Caleb shook off his surprise to scramble over the dirt and begin to dig furiously, shoving dirt away from the hand that was now desperately clawing at the ground. It was useless, and instead he moved to grab the hand and pull. Another hand came out, and he took that, and with a huge effort pulled the disheveled, dirt-covered, and very much alive Mollymauk Tealeaf out of the ground.





	Das Herz Lügt Nicht

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I listened to 26 and I was sad so I wrote a fanfic. Please enjoy! I'll put translations for all the German at the end. The title translates to: 'The Heart Does Not Lie'.

It was the first day that the cold really set in when they reached the hills. The skies were gray and threatened snow, and there was a stillness to the road, as most of the small creatures were burrowed underground waiting for the warmth of spring to return. They walked slowly as they approached the grave. The only sounds was their boots on the packed dirt of the road and the creaking of the cart wheels. They stopped, lead the horses off the road, and gathered in a solemn circle around the mound of earth. It was covered in a carpet of grass and what in warmer weather would certainly be flowers. A small cluster of mushrooms huddled around the base of the pole marking the grave, and the patchwork coat that hung from it shifted slightly as a breeze blew through.

“I can’t believe no one’s taken it yet.” Beau said finally. The others said nothing. 

“It’s been a year.” Jester said as if she didn’t believe it. “Only a year. It feels like...like…”

“Centuries.” Fjord said. “Millenia.” They fell silent again, their breath floating into the air in faint puffs of steam. 

“Um...hi Molly.” Jester said to the coat. “We’re here. We miss you. I hope...I hope you are having a good time, wherever you are. Lots of…tapestries. Colors. Dancing and laughter.” She drifted off into silence. Fjord put an arm around her, and Nott took her hand. 

“We should make camp. It’s late.” Beau said stiffly. “If we want to get to Caduceus’ before next week, we’ll have to leave early.” No one spoke, but one by one they turned and walked into the woods to set up a camp beside the hill. Caleb and Yasha stayed. Yasha put an awkward hand on his shoulder, but Caleb did not look at her. He was staring fixedly at the coat. 

“Caleb, we should go.” she said gently. “We need to...we need to sleep. And eat. He will still be here in the morning.” Caleb did not move. 

“... _ ja _ .” he said finally. “Sleep.” Yasha turned to go, then hesitated. 

“Do you...want to talk about it?” she asked. 

“No.” Caleb said. “I...I do not know. It has been so long. We have...we have done so much since.”

“I know.” Yasha said. “I know.” They stood staring at the grave marker for a few more minutes, then Yasha took Caleb’s hand and they walked back to the campsite.

 

\------

 

Caleb did not go to sleep that night. He lay in his bedroll listening to the quiet breathing of the others and watching the cloudy skies through the branches of the trees. He had not thought about his grief in so long. There had been so much to do, so much to think about and worry about, that the empty hole in his heart that had been Mollymauk Tealeaf had stayed ignored, unfilled, aching and cold. Standing there that evening, on the side of the road where he had last seen his friend, it had all come washing back over him. Finally, after a few hours of lying quietly and thinking, Caleb came to a decision. He crawled out of his blankets and put his boots and coat on. Fjord and Beau were on watch, but they were sitting facing away from him talking quietly, so he managed to slip past them and walk through the darkness to the edge of the road. Caleb could barely see the outline of the coat, but he paused at the edge of what he thought was the circle of the grave mound. He knelt in the dirt and stared at the gray blur that was the grave marker.

“Mollymauk,” he said softly. “I know...I know you are not...are not really here. But, but...maybe you are. A little bit. In the...in the grass and the trees. Like Nila said.” He sucked in a breath, trying to steady his trembling voice. “I wanted to...to talk to you. Alone. I….” He paused. “There is so much I did not tell you, Mollymauk. So much that I did not say that you deserved to know about me. You were my...my friend. I did not deserve your friendship. You were always….always so kind. I am a garbage person, Mollymauk, but you did not see that. I did not tell you why. That is why you did not see. But maybe...maybe…” He took a deep breath again. “I did terrible things in my past, Mollymauk. I hurt people, killed people I loved. I do not know if I can ever forgive myself. But...but...I know you might have. That is why...why…” He stopped, rubbed his face. “You saw the good in everyone. You saw the good in me. You did not see all of the bad, but you saw the good. You...you were... _ Scheiße. _ ” He did not know why he was having trouble saying what he needed to say. Mollymauk was in the ground. Mollymauk could not hear him. He breathed in, out, in...there. 

“You were the light in my darkness, Mollymauk.” he said finally. “You were a beacon to all of us, but you cut through the clouds around my soul. I...I... _ ich geliebt  _ _ dich _ .” The words fell out of his mouth, and once they were there, floating in the silent night air, Caleb felt a weight lift from his chest. He had said it. “I loved you, I still love you, and every day I regret not telling you.” he whispered to the grave. “I was a coward, I was afraid, and now you are gone and you cannot hear me say it.” Tears began to trickle down his face. “ _ Ich lieb dich,  _ Mollymauk.  _ Ich… _ ” He was cut off by the ground shifting just slightly. Caleb froze. What was happening? Another strange shift, and a few chunks of dirt rolled off of the mound. A few more fell, rolling into his knees. The pole shifted, and suddenly, the gray outline of a hand shoved itself out of the dirt. Caleb stared at it. He stopped crying in shock. It couldn’t be. There was….it was...impossible! It had been so long, things like this didn’t happen to people like him...but it was. There was a hand. Caleb shook off his surprise to scramble over the dirt and begin to dig furiously, shoving dirt away from the hand that was now desperately clawing at the ground. It was useless, and instead he moved to grab the hand and pull. Another hand came out, and he took that, and with a huge effort pulled the disheveled, dirt-covered, and very much alive Mollymauk Tealeaf out of the ground. 

The tapestry they had buried him in was wound awkwardly around his lower body, and as Molly fell forward onto the ground it fell off of him and lay limp underneath him. He must have wiggled out of it when he’d woken up. Caleb quickly cast Dancing Lights and in the bright magical glow they provided, stared at the tiefling kneeling before him. Molly started to hack, coughing up dirt and gods knew what else, and Caleb crawled to his side and put a hand on his back. Molly finished retching and stayed in his crouched position, staring at the ground. Caleb was shaking, but he did not know why.

“Molly...Mollymauk.” he whispered. “You are….you are…” The words stuck in his throat. Molly looked up at him, and Caleb felt his chest tighten. Molly’s red eyes were wide with fear and confusion, and he did not seem to recognize Caleb.  _ Scheiße. _ The tears started to come back. “You are safe now. You are alive.” Caleb said. He was still holding Molly’s hands, and he let go of one to cup Molly’s face. It was smeared with dirt and very old, dried blood. Molly stared at him, then he reached out his free hand and touched Caleb’s face tentatively. His thumb brushed across Caleb’s stubble. “ _ Ja, ja,  _ I am here. I am here.” Caleb murmured. Molly stared at him, then crawled across the small gap between them to bury his face in Caleb’s chest. Caleb started, then put his arms around him. Molly began to shake, his breathing coming in ragged, slow wheezes, and Caleb tightened his grip around him, rubbing his back and burying his face in his dirty hair. “I’m here.” he whispered again. 

They stayed like that for what could have been hours, and what was probably only a few minutes. Gradually, Molly stopped shaking and his breathing eased a little. Caleb moved back a little so he could see Molly’s face, taking his hands again. 

“Mollymauk,” he said gently. Molly looked at him. There were tear tracks in the dirt on his face. “I am going to ask you some questions, to figure some things out. OK?” Molly nodded, slowly. “OK.” Caleb took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “Do you have...do you have words?” Molly considered, opened his mouth, then closed it. He shook his head. “OK.” Caleb said again. “Do you….remember anything?” Molly’s eyebrows scrunched together, bit his lip, then frowned. “Is that a no?” Caleb asked, his stomach clenching in fear. Molly shook his head. “So…” Molly took one of his hands back and made a so-so gesture. “A little?” Another head shake. “It’s...it’s confusing? Fuzzy?” Molly nodded, and Caleb sighed. “What do you remember?” he asked. Molly frowned at him. “Oh, oh, sorry, sorry.” Of course Molly couldn’t answer that question. “Do you remember….me?” Molly nodded very slowly, then took Caleb’s hand again. His mouth twitched in the ghost of a smile. 

“Caleb!” They both jumped as Jester came running out of the cluster of trees they were camping in. “Caleb, are you all right? Why are you out here? What’s happening?” Molly’s grip on Caleb’s hand tightened.

“It is all right, Mollymauk.” Caleb murmured. “It is just Jester.” Molly frowned, a look of intense concentration coming over his face. Jester came into the light of the orbs and stopped dead, taking in the disturbed earth, the gravemarker lying sideways, and Molly sitting next to Caleb. She opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again, then ran forward and swept Molly up into a tight hug. Molly returned the hug; he must have remembered Jester in the time that it had taken her to understand the scene before her. 

“Oh, Molly, you’re alive, I can’t believe it, oh my goodness,  _ Molly! _ ” Jester yelled. “I have to get the others!!” She let go of him and sprinted back towards the campsite. Caleb stood up and put a tentative hand on Molly’s shoulder. Molly moved over so that he was leaning into Caleb’s side.

“Molly…” Caleb said quietly, then stopped. His words stuck in his throat. Molly turned towards him, a questioning look in his eyes. “It is...it is nothing.” Molly nodded carefully, studying his face. His eyes softened, and he smiled a little. Caleb’s heart ached, and he cursed his inability to repeat the words he had only just spoken. The sound of pounding feet broke through the night, and Yasha came hurtling down the slight slope towards them. Molly looked up, his eyes wide in fear. “It’s Yasha. Just Yasha.” Caleb murmured, rubbing his shoulder absently. Molly’s eyes lit up, and he moved away from Caleb to meet his friend. Yasha didn’t say anything; she just picked Molly up and hugged him. The others came hot on her heels and gathered around Caleb.

“When...how….what….” Fjord sputtered. 

“He just...I don’t know...it was very sudden…” Caleb said. “I was sitting here and then he started climbing out of the...grave.”

“Does he remember anything?” Beau asked. 

“It is fuzzy.” Caleb said. “He could not...could not clarify. He does not have words.”

“Shit.” Beau said. 

“He remembers me. And Jester. I think he remembers Jester.” Caleb added. Beau smirked a little.

“Of course he remembers you, Caleb.” she said. Yasha and Molly came back over to the group, holding fast to each other. 

“Hey.” Beau said awkwardly. Molly blinked at her, cocked his head, then smiled. He moved on, studying them all and placing their faces. Jester bounced on the balls of her feet, clearly wanting to hug him again but doing her best to give him time. Finally, Molly’s face cracked into a grin and he let go of Yasha to give Fjord a hug. Jester exploded and ran to hug them both. Yasha followed, then Beau. Nott wiggled through the other’s legs to join, leaving Caleb alone on the outside. He tugged on his scarf.

“Stop it, you dumbass.” he muttered to himself in Zemnian, then joined the hug.

 

\------

 

It was a long time before they went back to sleep. Jester wanted to tell Molly every single little thing they had done since he had died and then some, and everyone else was unwilling to go back to sleep. Finally, as the faintest rays of sunlight began to reach above the horizon, Fjord stood up and stretched.

“We need to get our sleep.” he said. “I know we want to spend time with Molly, but he will still be here in the morning.”

“C’mon, Fjord, we don’t need sleep!” Beau complained. 

“Fjord is right.” Yasha said. “I think Molly would like sleep too.” Molly was looking a little bleary, and had spent the past half hour leaning on Yasha’s shoulder with his eyes half-open. He looked up at his name, then nodded. 

“OK, fine.” Jester grumbled. “Who’s going to take watch?”

“Me.” Caleb said quickly.

“And me!” Nott added. Slowly, the others climbed back into their bedrolls. Caleb should have been tired, as he had not slept at all, but he was wide awake. He remained where he was, and Not scooted over to lean into him. Molly was still sitting where he had been, watching them. They had retrieved his coat off of the pole, and he had it wrapped around his body like it was the only thing holding him together.

“You can use my bedroll, Mollymauk.” Caleb said. Molly shook his head and crawled over to sit next to him. 

“Are you going to join us for watch, Molly?” Nott asked. Molly nodded. “It won’t be very interesting, I’m sure.” Molly shrugged. Caleb fidgeted with his scarf, then came to a decision.

“Nott, you can go to sleep.” he said. “I have something I need...to talk to Molly about. Alone.” Nott stared at him.

“You can tell me to, can't you?” she asked, squinting suspiciously.

“Not this. This is just for Molly.” Caleb said. Nott frowned, then crawled reluctantly into her bedroll and went to sleep. Caleb waited until he could hear her steady breathing, then turned to Molly. He was watching Caleb with anticipation. Caleb took a deep breath to steady his nerves. “Mollymauk.” he said. “I... _ Scheiße.  _ I do not….I am not good at words. It was so easy when...when you were just….” He trailed off. Molly smiled at him and put a hand on his arm. Caleb sighed. “I have missed you.” he said. “I...there has been a hole in my life. In all of our lives, but.... There were things….things I did not tell you, when you died. Things I should have told you. You are my friend, Mollymauk, and I...I…” He stopped again. “ _ Tut mir leid. _ It is...it is hard for me to….put this together. In Common. And in Zemnian. What I am trying to say it….”  _ Come on, Widogast, just say it to him! _ “I love you.” he said abruptly, then, the floodgates broken, poured forth a torrent of words. “I love you, Mollymauk Tealeaf. I did not tell you for so long, because I was afraid, and then you died and it was too late and I regret that everyday of my life but now you are here. You are here and I can tell you and…and…” He had to stop, as he had started to cry again. “You do not have to...to love me back, Mollymauk. I am just glad you are here again. It is all I….” 

He had been staring into the dying fire, but as he began to trail off, Molly cupped his face and turned it towards his. He was smiling, and there was something in his eyes. Something soft, and kind, and...loving. As Caleb stared at him, tears trickling down his cheeks, Molly leaned forward and kissed him. It was a gentle kiss. Molly’s lips were soft and warm against Caleb’s cold skin. He smelled like earth and, somehow, despite all the time he had spent underground, lavender. Caleb leaned into him, his fingers curling around the edge of Molly’s shirt. One of Molly’s hands laced itself through Caleb’s hair, and Caleb moved a hand to Molly’s back. They seperated, but stayed intertwined. Molly brushed the tears off of his cheek and smiled. 

“Mollymauk….” Caleb whispered. “Molly.” Molly leaned his forehead against Caleb’s, and Caleb ran his hand through Molly’s hair. It was tangled, and full of dirt. “ _ Ich lieb dich. _ ” Molly smiled again and leaned in to kiss Caleb again. 

 

\------

 

The morning came bright and cold. Caleb woke up and blinked groggily at the frosted grass. He could hear the clattering of dishes, and the buzz of talking. He wondered what time it was. How long had he been asleep? He had been having an incredibly vivid dream. He sat up, rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and put his boots on. He folded his blankets up and wandered over to the campfire. He was hungry.

“Good  _ morning _ , Caleb.” Jester said, grinning suggestively. “Did you sleep  _ well _ ?” She was eating a plate of bacon and toast. Molly stood up from where he was sitting to give Caleb a kiss on the cheek.  _ Molly _ . It hadn’t been a dream.

“ _ Guten morgen, liebling. _ ” Caleb murmured, turning to kiss him back. Jester squealed and clapped her hands. 

“Jester, c’mon.” Beau said through an impossibly large mouthful of bread. Caleb settled down next to Nott and took a plate of bacon and bread. Molly sat next to him and nestled his head on Caleb’s shoulder. 

“So….?” Jester said folding her arms and squinting at them. “I need details! What did you do?” Caleb, who had a mouthful of bacon, frowned at her. Molly flipped her off. 

“Man, I missed you.” Beau said affectionately. 

“Not as much as Caleb did.” Jester sang. 

“I knew something was up when you made me go away.” Nott said. “You never do that. And you always tell me everything.”

“I’m happy for you.” Yasha said to Caleb, leaning around Molly. “Both of you. You deserve it.” Caleb bit back a retort. He would not ruin this moment with his self-deprecation. 

“Did you  _ do it? _ ” Jester demanded. “I need to know! I need it, now!”

“You really do not need to know.” Fjord muttered. Molly straightened up, narrowed his eyes for a moment, then mimed something that was probably supposed to be kissing, then sleeping.

“You SLEPT TOGETHER!?” Jester screamed. “And you KISSED?!” Molly buried his face in his hands. 

“ _ Ja _ , we slept together.” Caleb said. Jester squealed, and Caleb remembered the implications that had. “No! Not like that! Jester!” His face burned. Jester cackled. Molly flipped her off again. 

“It was more like, Caleb went to sleep and Molly was on watch.” Nott said. “I woke up eventually.”

“I’m just glad we don’t have to live through more pining like we did before….you know.” Beau said. “ _ Gods _ , that was cringy.” Molly raised an eyebrow at her and smirked. Beau flipped him off. “Fuck you, Molly, stop looking at me like that.” she grumbled. 

“Let’s get packed up and get a move on.” Fjord said, standing up. “We don’t want to be on the road late.” They all stood up and began moving to pack things up. Caleb tucked his blankets into his pack. Molly crouched across from him, watching him. 

“Why are you so interested in my packing, Mollymauk?” Caleb asked, smiling a little. Molly smiled and shrugged. He pointed at Caleb and traced a heart in the air. “You love me?” Molly grinned and nodded. He moved around the pack to kiss Caleb on the cheek. Caleb turned towards him and kissed him on the lips. 

“Hey, you, lovebirds! We’re heading out!” Beau yelled. Molly flipped her off, then kissed Caleb again.

“OK,  _ Schatz, _ we need to go or Beau will kill us.” Caleb said, brushing a lock of hair off of Molly’s face. Molly made a face, and Caleb laughed. “Let’s go.” he said, lacing his fingers through Molly’s. They stood up and walked, hand and hand, to the horses. 

**Author's Note:**

> Ich geliebt dich: I loved you  
> Ich lieb dich: I love you  
> Tut mir leid: Sorry  
> Schatz: sweetheart
> 
> Also, side note, I have kissed one person ever so I may not have done the kissing justice :)


End file.
